Ever found yourself in a relationship thinking,
How did I end up here again? Maybe you swore you'd never date another emotionally unavailable partner, yet here you are, waiting for them to call, hoping they'll finally choose you.
It’s not a coincidence. It’s a pattern. And until you recognise it, you’ll keep attracting the same kind of relationship, just in a different body.
I know because I’ve been there.
Not long ago, an ex reached out to me after a long time of not speaking.
We weren’t on bad terms, but there wasn’t much reason for us to stay in touch. So, why now? Turns out, he needed a favour.
Three years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to help. I would have wanted to fix it for him, to prove my worth, to be needed. But this time? It was an instant no.
Not out of spite, but because my boundaries are strong. I deserve more. And, if I’m being honest, that’s probably why he reached out in the first place, because he remembered the old version of me.
But I’m not that woman anymore.
And when I’ve been on dates recently, I’ve noticed something incredible: I’m not even drawn to the same type anymore. The ones I used to chase? I don’t feel that magnetic pull toward them. Because when you do the deep inner work, your patterns change. And when your patterns change, your love life changes.
Let’s talk about why this happens and how you can break the cycle for good.
How Attachment Styles Shape Your Love Life
You don’t just randomly choose your partners. Your subconscious does that for you.
Your attachment style formed in childhood plays a huge role in who you’re attracted to.
If love felt unpredictable or inconsistent growing up, your nervous system craves the same dynamic as an adult, even if it’s toxic.
Anxious attachment? You may find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable partners, mistaking the anxiety they create for chemistry.
Avoidant attachment? You might push away the ones who actually want to love you, fearing they’ll get too close.
Secure attachment? You choose people who show up for you, communicate openly, and make love feel safe.
The good news? Your attachment style isn’t a life sentence. It can change when you do the work.
The Subconscious Patterns Keeping You Stuck
Ever wonder why you know someone isn’t right for you but still feel an irresistible pull toward them?
It’s because familiarity = safety to your brain, even when that familiarity is unhealthy.
Three years ago, I would have felt flattered that my ex needed me. I would have taken it as a sign that I was important to him. Now? I see it for what it is: a pattern I’ve outgrown.
So, if you’re stuck in a cycle of unhealthy relationships, ask yourself:
Do I feel drawn to people who make me prove my worth?
Do I confuse emotional highs and lows with passion?
Do I attract partners who need fixing instead of those who are ready for love?
Recognising these patterns is the first step to breaking them.
The ONE Shift That Changes Everything
Here’s the breakthrough moment: You’re not unlucky in love—you’re just running a subconscious program that needs updating.
When I started doing the deep work…healing old wounds, calming my nervous system, setting boundaries, and redefining my self-worth—I stopped being attracted to the wrong people.
It wasn’t willpower. It was a shift in my core beliefs about love.
And when your energy changes? The people you attract change too.
How to Start Attracting Healthier Relationships Today
Get honest about your patterns. Look back at your past relationships. What’s the common theme?
Rewire your beliefs about love. If deep down you believe love has to be earned, you’ll keep attracting people who make you work for it.
Strengthen your boundaries. The version of me who instantly said “no” to my ex? She’s a result of self-work.
Listen to your body, not just your emotions. If someone makes you feel anxious, confused, or like you need to prove yourself, it’s a sign—not a spark.
Choose differently. When you feel that familiar pull toward the same type of person, pause. Ask yourself, Is this healthy—or just familiar?
Final Thoughts:
The version of you that used to settle? She’s gone.
The version of you that chased, proved, and over-gave? She’s a past chapter.
You are now stepping into the era of choosing better. Love that feels easy. Love that feels safe. Love that feels right.
And if you’re ready to break free from the cycle for good, let’s talk.
Let’s work together and let’s start rewriting your love story.
Because when you BECOME THE ONE you don’t just attract love—you attract the right love.